vicious, you.

My house was empty.
The world collapsed on me, all because of this vicious woman.
I wanted to kill her.
She was tall, pretty, confident and smart and all these appealing characteristics broken up my family.
I thought she was kind at first, but something else lied deep within her heart.

Before all these, i had a happy family.
A morning greeting and a good night kiss were routine acts of love.
But now, fights were commonplace and it lead me to tears.
My heartfelt prayers for this resolution seemed not answered.
I hated this life, i hated this world.
Most of all, i hated this home.

I looked around me, posters of ways to express love.
It was family day. I turned everywhere, families sharing their joy and love.
I teared, i broke down.
Funny how when i was a little girl, my parents promised me to stay united no matter what.
Where is the unity, liars?
I did not expect my life to turn out this way.
It was unfair.
I no longer experience the love which people freely die for.
No more love, no more peace, no more attention and no more family.
Just a broken home, with an idiot whom no one wants.

I wondered how orphans could survived still.
But i bet their pain were not as bad as mine.
I literally felt the pain in my heart and eye when i cried.
How would you feel if you saw your father kissing a woman who did not gave birth to you?
It was like a knife piercing through my weak heart.
My heart was in pain, my eyes were burning.

To my dear father and mother, thank you for the love for me that did not last.
I loved those days back then, thanks for giving me the pain which killed me inside out.
I cannot accept my new stepbrother, he stole everything away from me.
You gave me wonderful memories, but now they do not exist anymore.
Don’t take me for granted, i may not be around you forever.
I hope you two would regret your actions of leaving me behind.
Goodbye, my last day on earth.

A composition i wrote today, about home.
It does sound a bit too emotional.
i love to write sad compositions, it’s much better actually.
it’s my first emo composition, hope you guys like it although i don’t really do.

jolene sister bought for me famous amos *awwwww*
esther sister bought cookies, disneyland pen and a overall from paris and london! <33333
i love it so much! esp the overall! i'm searching all over sg for it but london has it =)
sisters, been long since we had a sisters outing.
wanted to go cny shopping on friday afternoon but sighs, band.
i'm looking forward to band tomorrow
i miss band, i just miss it.

alright so school was the same but yeah, i miss detonate so much.
and i got back my chinese test.
many people messed the paper up, and i thought i did too, was expecting a D7.
but shockingly…..
B3 B3 B3 B3 B3. I ROCK TOTALLY.
but i still dislike chinese, most boring subject in the world.
i saved junyi today because he didn’t know how to walk to school.
what a joke right.
i’m starting to love math:)
it does make a difference if your teacher is good or not.
i used to hate math and i still flunked it.

ian called me yesterday and it was a great chat.
was talking about the usual stuffs and joking around till it was the first time ever in my life to have pins and needles on my butt.
weirdoooooooo.
and i’m going to play badminton with cell today so, good bye, gotta complete my homework.

2H, i love you and i miss vico & joy so much.
how i wished they would visit us someday
don’t you miss being their babies?
vico’s jokes, joy’s laughter. (L) (L)

dcny

saturday was Detonate CNY steambaot dinner.
had enjoyed myself especially catching up with some people.
was out of voice but had a short ‘jamming’ session.
shoot with liji’s canon, tell you what, i deproved, i’m a noob again.
my photos came out to be ugly, wrong focus point, wrong flash, wrong settings.
i really need to improve, if not my canon is useless.

sunday was lunch at far east, and food testing at taka.
it was a great laugh because i seemed so desperate to try out, as if i was buying.

okay, i’m not feeling good now.
feel sad for someone else, it really affect me because i love that two person a lot.
anyways, Esther sister is back from france!

best surprise, ever.

camp was AWESOMEEEEE.
i was so not looking forward to it on the first day, was even home sick.
even had the verge to leave camp on day 2.
but no, things were different with vico & joy around.
i really love and miss them.
they brought joy, fun & bonding to 2Hantus a.k.a hunkydory.
it’s been 3 days, it’s the best camp i’ve ever gone.

did a lot of high elements and wet activities.
i was the cheer i/c, yeah, I LOST MY VOICE.
my laugh sounds like an idiot now.
but it was all worth because of my hantus.
vico bluff us that he was leaving us on the second day, just before campfire.
i was teared down, i know it’s going to be different without him.
tried to control my tears but it was just too hard to control.
the bonding between us has grown too much, and he suddenly said he was leaving us like, now?!
he told us to see his helmet and wave to him next time we see him outside.
and suddenly he came in as an emcee in motorbike and i screamed till i cried like mad.
i was so touched, yes, so touched and happy happy happy.
screamed whenever he mention us as his babies
best surprise, ever.
campfire rocks.
vico is freaking funny, i couldn’t stop laughing.
when i think of his jokes, i’ll just laugh and start missing him.

thanks vico & joy, you made the class stronger.
i’ll never forget what you had teached me in camp.
you two encouraged me to perservere and it was really a relieve to have you two around.
vico, especially you, you rock.
i really hope to see you two around soon.
please do remember us, for you had already made yourself in our memories.
i’m sure everyone enjoyed the camp, all because of your wondeful presence.

and to my dearest Hantu.
let’s continue to work with each other alright?
honestly speaking, i was quite discouraged by the way you guys react to things.
like when we were doing the cheer, could see that some people are not smiling and bored of it.
that’s why i keep asking you guys for your opinions for the cheer.
but on the last preparation, i saw every single one of you, doing it spontaneously.
it brought joy to my heart, the smiles on your faces, love it.
and i really hope we can continue to be like that.
this class never fail to be together no matter what.
don’t sulk your faces already yeah?
january is over and we have 9 more months with each other.
it will past very quickly.
thanks, you made me love you guys even more.

how i wished things can go back to wednesday again.
rahh rahh rahh ah ah ah, billa billa hantu keluar, ta ta kot ta ta kot . ohhhhhhh, hantu! <3
I LOVE YOU ALL.

more than illustrations.

a cloudless blue sky and a sunflower brightens my day.

went for (the school calls it) battlefield fieldtrip.
didn’t bring my canon along as it was too heavy to walk around with it.
old fort factory’s air was dry like mad.
labrador park was definetely much better, although i’ve been there 12345 times.
had fun taking photos with goodies (bestfriends = bestie, so…..).
kranji cementery was coooool, i love to see their graves.
no offence, but i’m always full of questions when it comes to death.
i went straight home because i want to run away from mr kumar before he collects the worksheet from me.
congrats to those babe who won NUS high in netball!

camp tomorrow till friday.
can’t wait to get out of school because i hate the new timetable.
had been thinking a lot about studies lately.
felt that i haven been studying hard enough, and everyone is catching up.
math test was a distinction but so what? 2H’s smartpants are smart no matter what.
it seems like i couldn’t get higher than anyone even how hard i studied.
told myself to aim top 10% but now i think it’s a joke to get it.
i’m really desperate for distinctions every test but i think it’s not going to happen.
how do the smart ones get such high marks?
i should really get those books in my brains.
never will i let myself get below 30th level postion.

Romans 3:10- As it is written: “There is no one righteous, not even one.
Romans 3:23- for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

神爱世人 ，甚至将他的独生子赐给他们 ，叫一切信的 ， 不至灭亡 ， 反得永生.
John 3:16
Jesus is my number one.

yours

it’s the 1st.
1/12 of the year has gone.
what had i done?
january was a quiet yet cheerful month for me.
i emo a lot, i laughed a lot, i cried a lot, i hangout a lot.
i just want to thank each and everyone of you who had made every day of jan a great one.
january was one of the worst thing i dread it to happen, but still, i didn’t lose anything.
thanks for the dears who made me realised that.
i may had changed, but you changed first.

sat’s mac lunch with esther, ivy, ken & ivin was totally a great start of weekend.
had the emo talks and it always become funny after that.
they never fail to made me realise, life is more than living.
thanks for the day ♥.

thanks ian for yesterday’s chat, it was awesome, totally awesome.
those secrets plus extra secrets.
everytime i talk to him i’ll discover something new, that’s what he said too.
i think i should find more secrets about myself.
I LOVE SECRETS.
and he just made my sunday cool because i was actually so super sad that i need to go to school tomorrow.
he made me fly, laughed and sad. and he made me feel cute yipppeee.
i was using iPhone to chat with him on facebook, it rocked and i’m going to bomb the bill, dead.
so stressed today, like my world’s going to boomz anytime, but thank God i managed to survive today.
going to pack for camp soon, i hate camps and i’m the only one not looking forward to camp.
but it’s definetely better than staying in school doing boring old chemistry, which i hate like crazy.

i miss esther sister.
paris cool eh?
happy birthday to samuel, hope you feel loved this birthday.

trust.
i love this word loads.
but somehow i don’t like how people act because of trust.

happy 14th belated birthday phoebe.

HELLO, FRIDAY.

it’s friday, i’m so happy but i don’t sound like i am.
just came back from school and band.
school was plain, pe today wasn’t good at all.
screwed up english vocabulary test all because of strick markings.

band was fun, expected it to start like crap, the games were the usual games but everyone participated.
some of the sec ones were like rude, so freaking rude.
mr wong was fierce today, shouting all the way at overture no. 2.
but i love OTN2, at least it’s so much better than the boring old jericho.
and once again, saxophone section rocks. =)
jiayi tired to act macho which i think it was a totally funny.

i miss detonate.
i can’t wait to go back to church tomorow.
but before that, hours later, my dearest sister will be going to london, paris and france.
and i’m going to start the ‘tiao bo li jie’ thing later in the airport.
T3, SIA A380, good lfie huhs my sister.
*that’s because her boyfriend loves her too much, and he loves me too, but not as much*

second sister started her JC already
she, cousin, ivin & charlotte went into jj together.
and now, my sister gets to be driven every morning to school.
me, so, sad.

it’s was a great day in school.
had fun with the girls, especially during history lessons.
laguhed our heads off.
drama lesson was fun, but vivienne wasn’t in good mood.

sister can’t find her passport.
and it’s tomorrow she’s going france.
i feel so helpless, i’ve searched everywhere that’s possible.
i feel like crying, i feel so sad, so burdened.
i don’t look forward to band tomorrow, because of sec1s.
the sec ones just made me feel like ‘journey to the doom’.
don’t you feel that the band has kind of ‘died down’?
it’s no longer the same as how i felt when i just came to band.
i wished i could do something, and in 3 more months things will changed even more.
and a stupid sec one just wore my shoe home.
i’m a super hygenic person and i hate ‘yuckiness’.
pissed totally.
heard there’s band on saturday.
LOL, after coming back from the airport, i’ll be dead beat and it will be past midnight.

moody. more tests waiting for me tomorrow.
arghhhhhhhhhh.
why am i freaking feeling like this again?!
hate myself for feeling this way.

i hate the new sec1s band members, i mean only those rude people who talk and laugh when mr wong is talking.
seriously, first day in band and acting this way? too much.
hate them for being so rude, if they are in my section, they die, i’m going to scold them till they never talk in full band.

thanks sam, thanks ivy, thanks ivin.

math test tomorrow.
english test on friday.
d & t test on monday.
chemistry test on monday.
chinese test on tuesday.
physics test next monday.

WHAT A LIFE.
and this is not the worst.

mission trip.

in case you didn’t know, i went batam over the weekends for mission trip.
it was great, i love the sunday school, the worship, the presence of God.
it teaches me a lot of things, and this is the most relax mission trip ever.
we still stayed in hotels, eat in restaurants, go shopping and more.
God has blessed us with everything, He has indeed watched over us.

day one.
reached batam, shopping started straight, hahahhahaha!
i lovee the polo tees, but my pocket money officially declares itself $10.
and after all the free samples of the crackers & snacks, headed for lunch.
SET A, SET B, i doubt they had a menu, really! every table, even the strangers, are eating the same thing as us.
ian drank king coke. *inside joke*
and i’m a pontentate, that’s what everyone calls me now. queen.
okay, so headed to check in, and my roommie was my beloved ah jie.
prayed, practised the dance steps and the usual word-less drama, ivin is so dramatic. HAHAHA!
had free time so i decided to join enoch & ivan in their room, playing ipod touch
because ah jie went for meeting and left me alone…..
had early dinner and it was yummmmmmmmmy but suddenly, this guy appeared.
everyone there laughed so hard, *inside joke*
bernard & ivin calls me QOB, what the!
went to the church for youth service, it was a bit dry at first but after that everything went very well.
thanks ivy for praying for me, loves! <3
hahahaha, debrief, meeting, practised, back to sleep!
but before that, ivan rang up and ask us if we want to go over to play.
the night was young, (12.35a.m in sg) so we decided to start with blind mice
it was really great! ivan was helping me to catch enoch so when i was about to catch him he raised his voic and i shouted.
i bet the whole level could hear me. and michelle said, yes, she heard all of us laughing.
we played till (3.15a.m in sg)!! hahahahha, we were like extending the time to go back to sleep.
ended off with rounds of heart attack and then slept because we had to wake up super early the next day.

day two.
breakfast, we thought we were very late but in the end we were one of the early birds.
i love the pancake!!
bernard & ivin are really super funny, they got the roommate disease. Hahhahaha!
had sunday school and i really enjoyed the worship.
the children over there touched my hearts.
helped out in the nursery team and i love the kids which i took care of.
cute, really cute, cute till i couldn't resist looking at them every single minute.
everything went really well, and lunch was at a restaurant.
shopping was right after A & W, and it was really tempting to get a spongebob t-shirt i saw there.
tight, tight, tight, tight, tight, so i can't get it.
headed back home, sighs, i wished the week would start all over again.
dinner was awesome! the company was great, and the *inside joke* was starting all over again.
bernard, your favourite quote just spread over detonate, thanks.

today was a screwed up day.
i was feeling pissed, tired & moody.
maybe it's because of the hormones my body is producing and the tiredness i feel inside.
trying to engulf myself to study.
every lessons was a bore except recess but it was a disaster because i stained my uniform with food.
i think i've become more like a horridan to the class.
band was out today because of the extra lessons and i was so tired, i couldn't even barely made it home.
my eyes were so heavy, furthermore i was walking under the afternoon sun.
thank God i mananged to take a nap for awhile.

i saw a daily bread being thrown on the land outside school.
i don’t know how to react, but i felt sad for this person.
because he/she has a sadistic life, this person doesn’t have God in his/her life.
how painful it is when someone rejected the entry to heaven.